Its been quite a time that I wrote something. Those who know me, know that its the only way for me to let my emotions out. I’ve always been a person who tries to draw a pattern that life puts in-front of me or at least tries to conclude what the passed by events meant..
The past year was a disaster if I am to put it down in one word. Time tests us but I don’t really know if I was appearing something similar to my 10th board or 12th board exams. I have seen failures and they were so ugly and behemoth that they dared question my conscience, “are you really worth anything?“. I had no answer then. I didn’t know if it was a small yes or a big no at that time. But I survived; like everything and everyone else when there is no other option but to cling to something you believe is the only chance. I was so confronted with my own self that I discovered the mirages of my self I assumed as true bricks. I realized that its okay to see mirages when you are on desert but its totally wrong to know that it is a mirage and not to move on. To give up is to sin.
But then there are positive times as well. The times when you truly feel in your heart what is right and stand by it irrespective of what people have to say. The times when you really witness how people respond to adversity. You are introduced to new faces of your old friends. You respect some and some whom you respected lose a piece from your heart. You know who your real friends are, what makes your strength and how strong you are to defend and support on whatsoever you believe is right. You take a new step, unknown where you would land up to…
This is the path that everyone has to walk alone. A journey where the only pal you have is your faith and your works that would take you through the foggy landscape. A beautiful walk that you know would somehow mean something when you are there.
I have always believed, “everything happens for a reason“and though not fully but I’ve begun to understand what it really means. My experiences so far may mean nothing for someone who has seen worse or been through worse; but that is the real beauty, we all have different experiences to be a part of different stories.
I have met some really amazing people who have introduced me to that sphere of life I was left without. It is true to fall in love in a few days. To fall in love with new friends, to fall in love with a new job, to fall in love with new challenges, to fall in love with everything and anything that comes between sun rise and sun set; and most importantly falling in love with the true self you just met a few days back. The real you.The untainted, the non judged, the believer, the loser, the winner!
I am hardly in my early 20’s and may not have much explored yet but I know what I want for the time being. My conscience doesn’t remind of what I could do, what I could have done or what I should do. It simply smiles with me throughout the day and trusts me because I have been listening to what it has to say. I am living in the present and making a full worth out of it. I am attached and detached at the same time. Future is a thing of later, its the present that counts. I have learnt that. Making mistakes were a beautiful part and because of them I am humbled for where I am now. Now I don’t regret falling in love, now I don’t regret joining a college I didn’t deserve, I don’t regret making decisions that have totally turned my life to a new course. And the best of all that happened, I can see a glimpse of where I want my destination to be.
I am working. This is the first job of my life and for true reasons its not the money I am working for. Some lessons are learnt by sheer observations, making predictions, believing in the ideas and to work till it comes to completion. I am in that building phase now. Everyone around is like a lesson so alive in front of me. They guide me, mentor me, seek my help and overall trust me. I am a painter who knows that I have just started putting colors on the canvas. The picture to be revealed has a lot work of emotions to put. I am struggling everyday to cope with the unknown but I am happy and its worth it!
Originally posted on Blogger on Aug 05, 2013