A few days back when this link floated on my homepage, I couldn’t help but relate to the 34 year old who is still in her early twenties. There are 3 more years for me to witness the completion of third decade of my life and I show no signs of societal definition of “maturity”. I have no plans to marry, laugh at the amount I have saved, credit card bills are constant sources of mild heart attacks that I have every month and underwent a significant career change 8 months back without a degree for the job I am doing.
“So what is your next career plan?”
“You should keep programming skill as a backup.”
“What are your investments?”
“When are you getting married?”
Questions scare me now. I have no answers for some, have plans for a few and an utter disregard for a lot more that I won’t mention.
I remember when I was asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and I had promptly replied “Artist”. I did not have to think at that age. All I knew that I was fond of my paint brushes and water colors. “Poor choice” were the words uttered by the asker, someone who is close and at that young age my mind registered that my painting would pay me less, if at all. It registered that the pre-defined paths for success (read more money) in one particular society are the ones everyone should follow.It registered that it is better to be safe than take risks. I turned into a rat and joined the race.
I was a growing rat, reading and watching fairy tales and inspiring stories of men and women around the world who never gave up. These stories played significant roles in my formative years. I grew stubborn without guidance and wild without direction. Van Gogh said “The way to know life is to love many things” and I followed it. Now there are so many choices to shower love that I am confused. Nobody knows if he stated this with a disclaimer for “eternally curious about everything” kind of people. Picasso boldly stated “Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up” and I followed that too. Painting every now and then gives me solace but not a steady income. They say “Do what you love” but nobody says what to do when you love many things. It all comes back to Van Gogh and confusion.
So what went wrong? Back in those days the daily doze of inspiration was limited to a quote or two.There was significant amount of time to digest what the quote really meant and time enough to apply the wisdom in everyday life. Now every other thing grabs my attention. Good quotes crafted through color psychology and catchy headlines make me click and read. In the same day I read about good relationships and breakups, quotes which make me feel like the queen of the world and then vanish rapidly when I see my task list. Spirituality seems to be trending. Everyone seems to have a life advice to give. Buddha’s wise note on “living in the present” validates partying every other night because why not, Nirvana seems attainable than everyday goals.
Nobody wants to be in the rat race but everyone is running anyway. The difference between a good rat and a bad rat is the amount of clarity of where it is heading. There are more options to munch now. Cheese is old school. There is more distance to cover in the same 24 hours and by the time the day is done, the rat is exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.
Looking back feels good. Life was simpler and subconsciously we are trying to mimic nostalgia. My current definition of “maturity” is balance, both in personal and professional life, not learning more than what I can take, taking baby steps for a better me realizing that the definition of better may not reveal fully now to me. The article mentioned at the start of this post points out that people are scared to see themselves as adults whether that includes nuptial or financial commitments or taking calculated career risks. What scared me more was being stuck in temporary, feel good state of nostalgia that I ignore the future completely. I want to be a responsible adult one who is willing to overcome fears, take risks, plan, execute and achieve and at the same time possess childlike wonder, playfulness and innocence. Peter Pan said, “never grow up” and he meant it till death.
Originally posted on Blogger on Jul 21, 2016